It has been a few weeks since I have posted. There has been much going on here in our family. My focus has been on my pain and trying to alleviate it or endure it. I have a chronic knee issue. I injured it in August of 2009 and it has taken a while to isolate the problem and then deal with the surrounding issues. As I was making progress we moved and I am starting the process all over again which carries a great degree of frustration. My knee prevents me from doing what I want to do and what I feel I need to do. Many times I feel like a burden and like it would be easier on my family in particular if they did not have me to care for and wait for. I will say that is in my head because my family is wonderful and my husband reminds me daily how God will use this in my life and the life of my children.
I have been evaluating my attitude about my pain in relationship to God's Word. In II Corinthians 4:15 it say that these things are for my sake and that it is for the abounding of grace toward me by others for my thanksgiving so God will get the glory. That is my paraphrase. Not long after that verse it tells us these are light and momentary afflictions in the eternal spectrum. I have to remember God is a God who wastes nothing. He uses every experience in His child's life for their growth, the growth of others and for His glory. My responsibility is to Hold Fast and Press On. That means it is my job to be as pleasant as possible even when I don't sleep because of the pain, to not get depressed and mope because I can't do all the things I want, to be humble and ride a cart at the amusement park so I don't slow down the family and do more damage to my knee, to continue to exercise and eat right, and to continue to fight with the medical care system to get what I need. This is how I press on and how God will get the glory. These things do not come naturally to me they are supported by the Holy Spirit in me.
In the past when things have become physically painful or overwhelming I quit. That is not an option in my life any longer. God put me here for a purpose and I need to cooperate with Him as much as I can to allow Him to complete that process in me and through me. I tend to worship at the alter of comfort and ease. I don't want to hurt, or do the hard things many times and yet that is sin. Doing what we need to do even when we don't feel like it is a "workout" for our character. God wants men and women of character and determination. I want to be one of those so I will continue to Hold Fast to Him and Press On toward the maturity this pain will bring in my life.
Holding Fast and Pressing On,