Thursday, August 18, 2011

Holding Fast and Pressing On ...Still

I am not one to do much reflection on January 1st just because it is the New Year. Usually life is too busy.  For me the summer is the time when I do a self evaluation.  My birthday is in the summer and I grew up in a home with school teachers so the summer was always the time when we would change direction or make decisions that would impact the rest of the year.  This year has been no different.  I have evaluated my schedule, Caleb's curriculum, my fitness program,  our finances, and most importantly my spiritual, mental and emotional health.  During the course of this evaluation I debated and sought council on whether I really had anything to say via a blog.  I have gotten a very positive response so I am continuing to write and will allow it to be used and benefit others where it can.

My biggest concern with sharing is that I am not exciting and fun. I wonder if I am too boring.   I have been told I am dependable, steady, stable, and consistent.  To me that says..BORING.   I have been struggling with this self evaluation.  I have gone before the Lord and asked why I am not sparkly, charismatic, intriguing or mysterious.  As I have read and studied during the course of this summer I have realized I am who God made me for a reason.  I have always known that but I have been able to go to a deeper level of understanding.  There is a place for people like me who fall into that category of "no fun."

Biblically speaking, the words that are translated as steady are faithful and trustworthy.   In looking at the definitions used to describe one who is faithful. I found the following,  "...one who can be relied on, a pillar or support, firm, steady."  That does not inspire excitement any more than re-bar in a foundation.  I started looking at the verses and in Revelation 2:10 it says that the one who remains faithful will receive a crown of life.  In Psalms it says that the faithful will be preserved and will dwell with the Lord.  This is good to know.  It is great to think that there is a future reward for remaining faithful, steady, and true.  However, what about in this life?  I then looked at it form another perspective, the view of what being dependable brings to others.  According to Proverbs 13:17 the faithful messenger brings healing and in Proverbs 25:13 the faithful servant refreshes the soul.  There is also Proverbs 28:20 that says the faithful will abound with blessing.  I guess there are good things about being dependable. 

Here you see the result of the weight.  
As I was thinking about being boring and steady God gave me an analogy that just put who I am into perspective.  I am the weight for the balloons.  Now let me explain.  I have many friends and family who are shining stars.  They are balloons and they are admired,  they point to God and they do many wonderful things. So many times I wish I was a balloon enjoying wonderful heights but I am the weight.  I am the constant for many of them.  I think in particular of my family.  I am the anchor.  I am the one who is always there.  They are not afraid to try new things or to fail because I am always here to keep then grounded.   I keep them from danger in many ways because I keep them grounded and don't allow then to fly in whatever way the wind blows.  I share reality and then send off to try to reach new heights.  In the process of exercising my stability,  I have had friends whom God, for a season,  has put me in their life to provide an anchor.  I love seeing my friends fly and reach the grand things they are to do but at times they head in directions that are dangerous or could result in going too high.  When this has happened my grounding ability can become a problem.  I am considered a wet blanket, a fun sponge, or the goody two shoes (to borrow some clich├ęs).  In the past I have had many people who have chosen to cut the ribbon and depart.  I know this is a necessary process and many friendships are for only a season but it does not make it hurt less.It has at times made me question how valuable it is to be steady and dependable.  

I have learned that it is valuable because that is who God made me and I have a necessary role in the lives of  those in my family and those that God chooses to have cross my path.  It is also a place that requires dependence daily on God's grace.  I am learning to embrace who I am and not long to be what I am not.  I am also learning to accept that not everyone is going to be happy about who I am but my audience is God and not every one else.  I do not seek out balloons to anchor, I am not a self designed wet blanket, I just bring a different perspective to life. 

So when evaluating your life consider who God made you, embrace it and be grateful.  If you are a balloon thank the weights in your life.  If you are a weight be happy for the balloons in your life and know we all have a purpose. 

Holding Fast and Pressing On,
Teresa


(References are from www.blueletterbible.org)