Monday, April 11, 2011

Holding Fast and Pressing On Without Results

     The title today seems to be a bit of an oxymoron.  How can we press on and have no results? I believe it is because we are working toward the wrong result.  I have been hesitant to share my weight loss struggle because in this area of my life I feel like a huge failure; but I have come to realize it is who I am and maybe others can benefit from hearing my struggles.  I believe we can keep working and pressing on without ideal results when we gain a better perspective of what the correct result is we are working toward.
     I am a goal oriented person.  I like beginning a task knowing what I can accomplish and that it is reasonable and then I want to see that accomplishment happen.  I like results.  I was trained by, "Don't try, Do!" and "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all!" or "I want results not words!"  These were what I heard repeated as I grew up and I learned to not begin something unless it would yield a predetermined result.  Although this can be true about many areas of life, there are many processes where the final result is illusive or it just takes a mighty long time to get there.  This can breed a quitter, of which I am chief. 
     I, by nature, am a quitter.  I am not driven or competitive by personality.  I had some one say that I tend to rollover especially when it comes to going up against others.  I most times will let the other guy win or play a game in a way that helps the other guy so we can beat the game. I am the queen of the win/win scenario! Much to my detriment at times.  Any drive I have is because I like to see a result.  I will only clean my kitchen when I can do it from top to bottom and make it shine, I will only sit down to write when I have a complete plan and I can finish it, I only scrapbook when I can do it ALL the way.  So when I was told the above phrases, to me that meant once I realized it could not be completed in a reasonable time I should quit. 
     I have been on my weight loss journey in earnest for the last 3 years.  It began as a task.  I just wanted it done.  I researched, set small goals, took steps to achieve my desired outcome.  I began the process....repeatedly.  When one avenue did not work I would begin another all with the goal of weight loss in mind.  I have spent the last 3 years feeling like a failure because it has not happened....well I have lost 50 pounds but there is so much more that I need to lose, I was throwing my hands up and saying, "What is the point?"
     This last year God has been changing my perspective.  It actually started when I was studying Hebrews in 2009 and 2010 the ground work was laid.  I came to an understanding that God wants us to persevere, hence the name of my blog.  That was easier for me to apply spiritually and in theory than in the reality of my physical body...God is not interested in the physical, right? Wrong! God wants us to excercise discipline and balance in all areas of life.  He wants us to learn to persevere when things are hard physically as well as emotionally and spiritually.  I also realized my goal was not accurate.  I have been reading Where Did All the Fat Go? by Dr. Huizenga and he says that one should not focus on getting healthy by losing weight but that we should get healthy to lose weight. The body will only let go of weight when it is healthy.  Well this perspective totally changed how I had to view my efforts.  I wrestled with it and talked it through with some qualified people and realize my goal was amiss.  Losing weight is great but the goal is and should always be health.
      This means each bottle of water I drink, each time I take my vitamins, each time I set foot in the gym, each time I eat thoughtfully, each good nights sleep I get, when I go and battle the doctors for better information or read another book on fitness and nutrition I am advancing my current state of health in a positive direction.  This means in the process of pressing on to better health I am successful because I am better today than I was 6 months ago and a year ago.  I may not lose 30 pounds in 10 weeks like I want to but I am closer to achieving my goal of health. 
    I have had to change how I measure my success.  I no longer am dominated by the tyranny of the scale.  I now look at my physical achievements.  I have gone from barley 3 minutes on the elliptical to 30 minutes completing 2.5 miles with a 6 resistance.  I have gone from the humiliating place of falling off the rowing machine to completing 500m in less than 3 minutes and the most I can row now is 1500m at at time on a 6 resistance.  I can lift...a lot! I will not bore you with the details.  I go to the gym 5 to 8 times a week (some days I go 2x per day).  I was able to walk up and down hills at the San Diego Zoo and my knee quit before my breathing.  I do Weight Watchers and I drink 3 to 5 32oz bottles of water a day.  These are positive changes.  My weight has not changed in 4 months but I am successful because for the first time I have not quit!  I did not get discouraged with the lack of results on the scale (okay, well I did but I had people coaching me and encouraging me and God's grace helping me to continue on). 
     When you meet me you might make judgments about my size...that is your issue not mine.  I am confident that I am holding fast and pressing on toward good health. I know the process is more important than the result.

Holding Fast and Pressing On,
Teresa

4 comments:

  1. you are invited to follow my blog

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  2. I'm in your cheering section!

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  3. Thanks for sharing your progress...you are an amazing writer, and have such a gift of words. You tell things so well. I know how you have struggled and I see those aspects of your growing up...it all makes sense. Positive changes are the way to keep us all happier and healthier. you are doing what you need to do, from the mindful eating, sleeping well, drinking water, exercising -- but most importantly, I think, you are holding a good attitude. Your love of life, your family, your faith, your friends will all work with you, I know it will. Love you!!

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  4. Thanks for the encouragement, you are awesome!

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